Functional Neurological Disorder, FND for short. One of the misconceptions is that it’s a psychological illness but it’s actually a very real neurological physical condition. It’s not well talked about and it’s often misunderstood especially by medical professionals.

FND is a problem with how the brain communicates with the body which results in a wide range of symptoms.

For for FND causes problems such as:

Non-epileptic seizures
Involuntary movements
Muscle weakness
Dystonia - muscle spasms
Tremors
Gait and mobility problems
Speech problems
Bladder and bowel issues
Visual changes
Sleep disturbances
Nerve pain and other symptoms with my nerves

Developing FND really has changed my life. It affects me every single day. Some symptoms can be manage with medication or medical devices or managing what triggers those symptoms to occur or by using mobility aids like a wheelchair. Other symptoms I just have to learn to live with and manage them as best I can.

In all honesty I find it hard to talk about having FND because of how misunderstood it is and because of negative experiences from medical professionals such as them thinking that I’m feigning my symptoms. I’ve experienced a lot of medical gaslighting because of this and as a result experience medical PTSD so hospitals aren’t a great place for me. I often negate to say that I have FND in medical appointments in case my symptoms are trivialised and put down as all in my head and I don’t get the real medical care I need. I think it goes in hand with how M.E. isn’t well understood either so often I feel left not getting the care I need because I have FND and M.E.

If I could say turn my seizures off I most definitely would as it would mean I could do so many things, driving a car for one thing, or even just being able to be on my own to boil a pan of water to poach an egg. I’d definitely love to be able to drive. Though I live independently I often feel unsafe because of my FND symptoms. Regularly falling, injuring myself, having different kinds of seizures. I have to adapt a lot too to keep me safe like using my hot water dispenser and using plastic bowls and plates as well as lidded cups. There are things I’m unable to do because of my safety too or I need someone to be with me. Sometimes it can feel a little restrictive.

There’s this quote I love though:

“There are things that are possible; things that are impossible, but I think that within my restrictions anything is possible.”

Despite how restrictive my life with FND is I’ve learnt what triggers some of my symptoms so I can manage them better. I have my own home and I manage to live independently with the support of my care team. I also have my fabulous GTM wheelchair and my Batec which has given me freedom and independence and better quality of life. My Batec really helps my mental health and is my version of a car to take me places. I’ve slowly managed to build a life for myself. When I first developed FND I really couldn’t have imagined myself where I am now.

Functional Neurological Disorder

FND links: