Hello, my name is Sandie and having recently been diagnosed with two chronic conditions that blew my world apart, I wanted to share a few of the emotions I have felt since receiving the news. It’s been a bit rocky, not gonna lie!
Firstly, I was fiercely defiant “bring it on then, I’m ready for you!” Only, I wasn’t ready. I mean how can you be?
Next came bewilderment “What do you mean you can’t fix it?!” It just didn’t make sense, I mean weren’t they specialists?
Followed by shock “Seriously, you think it’s ok to leave someone, and their family, to cope with this by themselves? With no plan? No strategy? No support?!” Erm, can we talk about how I’m going to get to the toilet...?!
Then came the grief, the actual, heartbreaking physical pain of all I felt I’d lost. My life as I knew it, as my family knew it, gone. Grief is the only real word to describe that feeling.
After what felt like forever acceptance dared to show its face “OK, if this is how it is then how can I make the best of it?” And I resolved to try and adapt.
Finally I reached a truce, a kind of happy-to-be-here kind of place. A realisation that I am lucky in many ways. That, although different, my life can still be, and IS, rich and full.
I’d really like to say I stayed at the last place -happy, content and fulfilled with my lot. But no, again, how can I be? I’m human and my emotions fluctuate daily, hourly even. One minute content, the next raging against the perceived unfairness of it all.
I guess what I’d like to end by saying is that whatever journey your emotions take you on, there is no wrong or right. To embrace all of them, you have them for a reason. And there are others out there, feeling similar emotions, facing similar struggles and enjoying similar triumphs. But together there is strength.